 The Avengers are a dream team in the comic book world. Each Avenger brings its own powers, abilities, and personality to make an unstoppable team. Being part of a team is amazing but can also have innate challenges.
In this last blog of the 6-week series, we will dive into how to be part of a successful team and discuss the importance of teamwork. There is no “i” in team (or Avengers) and exploring how to excel in a successful team can set your child up for success in the future. A team can range from a sports team to a boy or girl scout troop, or even your nuclear family unit. We can use the language of teamwork and apply it to the framework of the family by switching up a few words. 1. Respecting each other and defining roles within the team Teamwork requires respect from each of its team members. While we would like to always show respect to others, it can be difficult in a moment of stress or excitement. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. When a team or individual is able to figure out their challenges, the team can play on strengths and become unstoppable. Each of The Avengers brings their own strengths and has a conversation (and demonstration) of their individual powers. This sets up the team for success because they define their roles within the team before they venture to save the world. How you can talk to your child: “When I think about The Avengers, I think they are the best team I have ever seen. Each team member brings their own strengths to the group and they are respectful of their differences. While the Hulk can “smash,” Iron man can fly and invent futuristic weapons. Black Widow can fight from the ground, while Hawkeye is able to shoot arrows into the air. If everyone on the team had the same powers, do you think the team would be successful? What are some strengths you can bring to your team? Have you noticed that you are better than others on your team at something? What about [friend], do they have a different or similar strength? I noticed you like to be a striker on the soccer field and score goals while [friend] prefers goalie. What would happen to your team if you had 2 strikers and no goalie or vice versa? Do you think your team would do great or struggle?” 2. Communicate with your team members Communication is a key element in a successful team. Some may argue that it is the most important element of a team, family, or group. When The Avengers need something to be smashed, they clearly ask the Hulk to smash it. When the Black Widow needs a boost, she clearly calls for Captain America to send her into the air using his shield. When teams communicate well and work together, they are successful. I use the phrase, “unclear is unkind.” This means that if we are unclear, it makes for poor teamwork and poor communication. The Avengers use their words as tools to complete their tasks and missions, while also using their words kindly. How you can talk to your child: “I loved seeing Captain America and Black Widow working together so well. She clearly called out to him for a boost on his shield and he was happy to help! What do you think would happen if she called for a boost and he ignored her? That would cause a lot of trouble! It seems like clear communication is a big part of a team. How do you communicate with your teammates? Are you clear or do you just yell or get frustrated? What are some ways that we can work on you being clear about what you need? I am always here to listen to your needs as well as help you to form clear and kind sentences to express how you are feeling.” 3. Celebrate victories, whether they are big or small It is important to boost the confidence of your teammates to develop a successful team. No matter how big or small the victory is, the team should celebrate their success as well as the individual’s success. Every time an Avenger completes a task, the other teammates are the first ones to congratulate them or cheer them on. If an Avenger fails, the team is also there to pick them up and move forward. The mentality of a team will shape its success, and encouraging others on the team is a foundational part of that success. How you can talk to your child: “Every time an Avenger succeeds, their entire team cheers for them. I wonder if it helps The Avengers be a more successful team knowing they have support and encouragement from each other. Is there a time you have cheered your teammates on and have seen a difference in their confidence? I bet it feels really good to know you have a supportive group behind you. What are ways you can cheer on your team? I like to clap for you when you are playing [sport or event] to show my support. I bet the more you celebrate someone’s victories, the more excited they are to participate and continue to build that confidence.” To wrap up, here is an example of a script to talk to your child: “The Avengers is a dream team of superheroes in the comic book world. They all come together with a common goal in mind- to save the world from evil. They each bring a different strength and power and they all show respect for each other. They understand each other’s strengths and challenges and work together to make a successful team. I have noticed their communication is clear and concise. When they need something, they ask for it and a teammate is always willing to step in and help. Do you feel like you are a team player or is there a place you can improve to help your team to be as successful as The Avengers? Being clear and respectful to teammates makes for a successful and powerful team. I also noticed that The Avengers celebrate each other as well as the team’s victories. Do you think celebrating victories, no matter how small boosts confidence? How do you feel when you see people cheering for you? Do you think you can make others on your team feel good by cheering them on? Being part of a team can be challenging but very rewarding. It is important to learn about teamwork so you can help your team be successful. You may have to make some sacrifices to be a team player, but it is worth it to see a successful team. Spoiler alert: At the end of The Avengers movie, Ironman makes the ultimate sacrifice for his team to win (his life).” I encourage you to comment below or ask questions in the post, I’d love to hear your feedback. If you have a question or topic you think would be a good fit, please feel free to email me at [email protected] or if you are interested in scheduling a therapy appointment, click here.
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 Peter Parker was a “normal kid” who always seemed to have the best interest of others in mind. He was kind, loyal, and intelligent. He became Spider-man when he was bit by a radioactive spider and developed a Spidey-Sense, super strength, and enhanced reflexes. Spidey-Sense is Spider-man’s ability to sense and react to danger before it happens.
Right before Uncle Ben passed, he reminded Peter Parker to maintain his integrity and continue to mature into a kind man. Uncle Ben famously told Peter, “with great power comes great responsibility.” This means that if you have the ability to do something, make sure that you do it for the good of others. Your child has the ability and option to make good and “bad” choices every day. The best way to learn is to make mistakes, but doing the right thing is challenging. This week, we will explore Spider-Man and how to discuss choices and how to use your Spidey-sense to your advantage. 1. Discussing good vs bad choices We go through life every day making decisions. Some decisions are small and some can largely impact our lives. One good or bad decision can shape who we are for the rest of our lives. When Spider-man was bit by the spider, he became a superhero. He practiced using his web sling, perfecting his strength, and using his fast reflexes to his advantage. Unbeknownst to him, Peter Parker was given a choice to use his powers for good or evil, and Spider-man chose to fight crime and make New York a better and safer place to live. How you can talk to your child: “The day Peter Parker was bit by the radioactive spider, he had a choice to make; will I use my power for good or evil? He made the decision to use his power for good and help New York become a safer place to live. That was a brave choice, and Peter Parker became the famous Spider-man! Has there been a time that you had to make a choice that was difficult? What was that choice and what happened after you made the choice? Making the right choice can be hard, but I am proud of you. Spider-man took on a lot of responsibility when he decided to fight crime and join The Avengers, but he made the right choice and used his powers for good and not evil.” 2. Identifying and using your Spidey-Sense to your advantage As adults, we are able to identify our intuition or our “Spidey -Sense.” Children have a harder time connecting their intuition to a feeling of right or wrong, but if we can help them identify the physical feeling inside their bodies, they can hone in on their own Spidey- Sense. Spider-man is famous for his Spidey-Sense. He is able to detect when something is wrong by a feeling inside of his body. By using the 3 A’s (awareness, acknowledgment, and action), Spider-man is able to identify the feeling and leap into action. How you can talk to your child: “One of Spider-man’s most famous superpowers is his Spidey-Sense. Spider-man is able to sense when something is wrong and spring into action. You also have a Spidey-Sense, and if your intuition is used to your advantage, you can sense things that are wrong which can help you use your good judgment. Spider-man is able to use the 3 A’s - awareness, acknowledgment, and action- when he feels his Spidey-Sense go off. He is aware that he feels, he acknowledges the feeling, says out loud “my Spidey-Sense is going off,” and makes the decision to jump into action to fight crime. What does your Spidey-Sense look like? When you are high on the playground, do you get a feeling that it is unsafe to jump [insert your own example here]? Have you ever had a feeling in your stomach that makes you think you are not making a good decision?” 3. “With great power comes great responsibility” When Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben passes, he tells Peter, “with great power comes great responsibility.” This is a powerful line and reminds Peter and the viewers that if Peter has the ability to do something, make sure he does it for the good of others. Making decisions for the greater good or the good of others can be taxing and exhausting. We can see that Spider-man is overwhelmed by fighting crime, but makes the hard decision to continue to fight and eventually joins The Avengers. How you can talk to your child: “When Uncle Ben passed away, he tells Peter Parker, ‘with great power comes great responsibility.’ That is a powerful line and has a lot of meaning. What does that mean to you? Do you feel like you have a lot of responsibility to make good decisions? When making decisions, we have to think about how they will affect us as well as the greater good. Spider-man continues to fight crime to make New York a safer place. How do you think that affects Spider-man, always having to do the right thing? Has there been a time when you have made a good decision? Or a time when you made a bad decision, and got in trouble?” To wrap up, here is an example of a script to talk to your child: “Peter Parker was a normal teenager before he was bit by a radioactive spider and became Spider-man. Right before his Uncle Ben passed away he told Peter, “with great power comes great responsibility.” This quote shaped Peter Parker and Spider-man’s life. Spider-man decided to use his new powers for good and worked to save New York City from crime and eventually joined The Avengers. Spider-man’s choice to use his powers for good may have been a hard one. Sometimes making a good decision is more difficult than making a poor one. Has there been a time when you made a good decision? What did that feel like for you? What would have happened if Spider-man made the decision to use his powers for bad? Spider-man also has a Spidey-Sense that alerts him of problems and helps him make good decisions. Did you know that you also have a Spidey-Sense? We call your Spider-Sense intuition and it can be used to your advantage. Do you ever get a feeling in your stomach that tells you something is wrong?-That is your Spidey-Sense! It is important to notice when your Spidey-Sense goes off because it can help you make a good decision!” I encourage you to comment below or ask questions in the post, I’d love to hear your feedback. If you have a question or topic you think would be a good fit, please feel free to email me at [email protected] or if you are interested in scheduling a therapy appointment, click here.  Most of us have experienced a time when we did not fit in or felt abandoned. Loki is a perfect example of waiting to fit in, but always feeling different. Loki was “adopted” by Odin, who is the biological father of Thor. Loki and Thor grew up together, but Loki always felt out of place and isolated.
There are a couple of ways to look at fitting in. Children try to connect with others through common interests, but it is possible to connect by seeing and respecting each other’s superpowers. In today's blog post, we are going to explore how to identify loneliness, abandonment, and sadness and how we can discuss those feelings with our children. 1. Is it normal to feel left out? During childhood and especially adolescents, most humans strive to fit in. They want to form a bond or connection with others through common interests. When interests are not aligned, it is hard to see how to develop meaningful relationships. While it is normal to feel left out, we can talk to our kids about their feelings and ultimately help them to find common interests (or different interests and form a team like The Avengers). As much as Loki wanted to fit in with Thor and his friends, Loki always felt different. He learned that he was adopted as an adult, and his father, Odin, defeated Loki’s family and took Loki to raise him as his own. Some children may have the same feeling as Loki, especially feeling different. How you can talk to your child: “It seems like Loki is always left out, even though he tries to make friends. Loki seems to be different or maybe he feels different. Has there been a time you have felt like Loki? Do you feel different than the friends you have in school or on your [sportsteam]? Is there a friend at school that makes you feel included? ” 2. Exploring interests to help your child connect to others with the same interests. Children have many different interests, many of which are different from the norm. It is important to explore your child’s interests and help them to connect with others who may have the same interests. Some children prefer individual sports, while others prefer team sports. Some children prefer science, while others prefer reading. It may be hard to figure out interests, but once you do, your child can connect to other children their age. You can also work on a skills/interest inventory for your child that may help you both understand what they like. How you can talk to your child: “I was thinking about Loki’s interests and the fact that he is the God of Mischief. It must have been hard for him to live and work around others who were born and raised to be warriors, while he loves playing tricks on others and of course, being mischievous. Do you think he would be happier if he had friends that had the same interests? What are things you like to do that other children in your class do not know about? Would you be interested in trying [activity] to connect with other children who like what you do? 3. How to connect with others who do not have the same interests. As mentioned above, it is possible to connect with others even if you do not have the same interests. While it is more difficult to connect without common interests, we are able to see it more as adults than as children. Learning about a new friend and trying their interests can be fun. If a friend attends karate, your child can go to buddy week with them. We may need to get creative to help children connect as it can be hard to see past when children display on the outside. How you can talk to your child: “Loki seems to feel different, but he also uses those differences to his advantage. He makes friends that have other powers, and they became a great team. Just because Loki has different interests does not mean he can not be part of The Avengers. Are you able to make friends who have different interests, but you can still be friends?” To wrap up, here is an example of a script to talk to your child: “Loki is such an interesting character from the Marvel Universe. While he is considered an Avenger, he never seems to fit in. While he is the God of Mischief, his interests and skills are very different from the other Avengers. I wonder what it was like for Loki to be part of a team and not feel connected. Is there a time when you look around and feel different or like you do not fit in? One of the cool things about Loki is that he is different from his friends, after he gets to know them and their skills, they form an awesome team. Do any of the kids in your class have different interests, but you are able to still connect? If someone can run fast, and you can throw the ball well, would that make a good football team? Making friends and connecting with others happens easily when you have the same interests, but can also happen if you have different interests. It takes time to get to know others, but that is how amazing teams can form, just like Loki and the Avengers. Let’s take some time and talk about your interests, your friend's interests, and how you can connect with others your age. I am excited to help you, and we can try out a lot of different things [karate, sports, girl scouts, cooking classes….]. I encourage you to comment below or ask questions in the post, I’d love to hear your feedback. If you have a question or topic you think would be a good fit, please feel free to email me at [email protected] or if you are interested in scheduling a therapy appointment, click here.  Depression is an invisible illness that affects people no matter their age, race, or gender. Depression looks different in every person, but symptoms can range from isolation, withdrawal, crying, hopelessness, helplessness, and lack of motivation to poor behavior, lack of interest in activities, and acting out in children.
It is essential for parents to be educated on what depression may look like, and learn to discuss feelings openly and honestly with their children. In today’s blog, we will relate depression to a fan favorite, Thor. “Fat” Thor in Avengers End Game is a classic example of depression. He suffers from debilitating depression after Thanos snapped his fingers and half of the population vanished. Thor would not leave his home, became an alcoholic, gained weight, and did not care about the things that used to bring him joy. As adults, this all makes sense, but your children may not understand how they are feeling. Let’s break it down step by step on how to relate to and discuss depression with your child. 1. Discussing what depression looks like Depression can look different for every child. Sometimes, can be the stereotypical crying, sadness, or loss of interest in activities. Because symptoms of depression in children and adolescents can be more subtle, if parents are not sure what they are looking for, depression can go undetected. Other symptoms include outbursts, reduced ability to function with friends or in social gatherings, or change in appetite. How you can talk to your child: “I can’t believe what happened to Thor after Thanos snapped his fingers and everyone vanished! What did you think when you saw Thor for the first time? Did he look like he was doing well or happy? I wonder what Thor did to get himself out of the sadness he was feeling 2. Defining triggers Depression does not always have triggers, but an increase in depression can coincide with an event or feeling. It is hard to define triggers, but a simple acronym can help with that- AAA (the 3 A’s). Awareness- Noticing how and what you are feeling. This may be a physical reaction or identifying a feeling that is building at the time. Acknowledgment- Understanding and allowing yourself to feel the feeling or pointing out the specific trigger causing the emotional reaction. Action- Removing yourself from a situation or picking a coping skill that can help reduce depression at the moment. How to talk to your child: “I can’t believe how Thor looked/presented when he was feeling sad or down. I sometimes notice that people feel depressed when they are not taking care of themselves- not showering, not brushing their hair, or having puffy eyes from crying. Has there been a time when you do not want to do the things you ‘know’ you have to do? What was that like for you?” **You can also incorporate or explain the 3 A’s in the conversation. 3. Learning coping skills Coping skills come in all shapes and sizes as do symptoms of depression. Depending on what your child is feeling at the time, a coping skill may or may not work. As a therapist, I like to use the Universal Pain Scale and incorporate “if-then” meaning “if I feel ____, then I can do ____. This takes a lot of the pressure off the child and the parents when the child is not sure how they are feeling or what to do. For example, IF you are feeling a 5/10, THEN you can take a time out, take a hot shower, or go on a walk. How to talk to your child: “When Thor’s friends find him sad, depressed, overweight and drinking, they are unsure what to do. If his friends didn’t know how to help Thor, do you think he was able to help himself? It is scary when you feel sad or depressed and does not know what to do- have you felt like that before? I would love to help you make a chart so when you are feeling a certain way, you know what to do and don’t even have to think about it!” 4. How to know when to ask for help Depression can be really scary for your child as well as you. You may feel helpless and not know how to react or what to do. Trying to distract a sad child can be helpful in the short term, but it is important that your child learns skills to battle the depression and continue to live and healthy and positive life. If your child is continuing to withdraw, shows a decrease of interest in activities that once brought joy, is irritable, or appears sad, it may be time to ask for help. How to talk to your child: “It must be hard to feel sad and down when your friends and peers seem to enjoy activities. Thor was sitting in his home, feeling down, and did not make any changes until his friends came to help him. I bet if Thor knew a couple of coping skills, he would have used them and continued to help save the world. Thor did not know what to do when feeling down, but I have a chart we can use so you don’t get stuck or overwhelmed like Thor did. We can add in what you are feeling and coping skills to use when experiencing those feelings.” To wrap up, here is an example of a script to talk to your child: “Have you noticed that Thor seems sad after Thanos snapped his fingers and half of the population vanished? What do you think is going on with him? I am wondering if he is feeling sad because he lost his friends and family, is living alone and making choices that are bad for his health. It is okay to feel sad sometimes, but it can be really hard to feel sad most of the time. Thor felt very sad and we could see a significant change in him. He had poor hygiene, was making unhealthy choices, and did not want to help himself. His friends came to his home to help him get on his feet and become healthy again. Do you have friends or family who can make you feel better? Is there anything that you do to make yourself feel less sad? Thor showered, shaved his beard, and started taking care of himself again (self-care) showing a big improvement in his happiness and health. I am super proud of you for allowing me to help you. It took time for Thor to feel better, but once he started to use his coping skills and make healthy choices, he was back to saving the world with his friends.” I encourage you to comment below or ask questions in the post, I’d love to hear your feedback. If you have a question or topic you think would be a good fit, please feel free to email me at [email protected] or if you are interested in scheduling a therapy appointment, click here.  Grief and loss can be complicated and hard to discuss as adults, but even more difficult for children and adolescents. Sharing stories and memories, honoring the person who passed, or simply talking about it can be very helpful. As for those who do not have the words or the understanding that grief is making them feel a certain way, it can be confusing and scary.
Batman not only lost his parents at a young age, but he witnessed the crime. Batman made it his life's mission to avenge his parents and clear Gotham City of criminals. Batman channeled his sadness and grief into positive actions, but he could have become a criminal himself. We can use Batman’s actions to appropriately discuss grief and loss with our children. Children and adolescents resort to behaviors when feeling overwhelmed and not able to express themselves. We may see a change in the behavior of a child following the loss of a loved one, but not necessarily associate it with the loss. It is important to be prepared to talk about the loss as well as what your child may be feeling. 1. How grief and loss may look in children and adolescents The difficult part when treating grief and loss is that it can look different in each person. As adults, we are able to talk about how we feel, share stories/memories, and process grief over time. Many children and adolescents do not have the words or the understanding to pinpoint grief as a a reason for the big feelings or acting out. The following symptoms may be associated with grief and loss-
How you can talk to your child: “I know it has been a couple of days/weeks since we lost [loved one]. You know, Batman lost his parents at a young age and had a difficult time. He would stay up all night working in the Batcave and keep to himself. Are you having a hard time sleeping, too? Has anything else also been hard? Batman was also irritable and grouchy with Alfred. Have there been times when you have felt grouchy, especially when missing [loved one]?” 2. Noticing behavior changes and how to react As parents, we notice when children or adolescents are acting out, but are not always able to associate a reason or trigger. Grief and loss can take time to feel and gradually impact a child’s mental health. Taking the time to point out changes in behavior without punishing them can open the door to a good discussion about grief and loss. How to talk to your child: “Do you think Batman thinks about his parents often? How do you think Batman feels when he does think about them? I bet he is feeling sad, angry, and hurt. I wonder if other people feel the same thing as him when they think about someone they love and lost.” 3. Learning skills and words to express yourself As Batman makes friends, helps to save the city, and falls in love, he comes out of his home more often and begins to engage in “self-care.” He dresses in suits and attends social functions, which are all positive coping skills. Grief and loss can be complicated and impact many different aspects of life. Our senses can remind us of the person we lost at a time we are not prepared to grieve. This is a time when children and adolescents may act out and we may not connect it to grief. How to talk to your child: “I noticed that Batman still lives in his childhood home, but spends most of the time in his Batcave. I wonder if he is sad living in that big house without his parents. Does Batman look happier when he is around people he loves and that love him? Do you feel happier when you are around other people (or your family)? What else did Batman do to make himself feel better? What have you done in the past to feel happier/less sad?” 4. When it is appropriate to ask for help? While it is normal to feel sad, or not always happy, feelings should appropriately match the situation. Batman was sad due to his grief and loss but was having a difficult time moving forward and grieving. When grief affects Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) such as hygiene, eating appropriately, self-care, or relationships, it is time to seek help. It is better to seek help before ADLs are impacted, but we are happy to see a client at any time during their journey. How to talk to your child: “Do you think it was hard for Batman to get out of bed in the mornings? Do you ever feel like pulling the covers over your head and staying there all day? One way to feel less sad about our loss is to share fun memories of [loved one]. Would you like to tell me a story about you and [loved one]? I would love to hear about some of your memories and I can share one of mine if you would like. Would you like to hear a happy, funny, or loving memory today?” To wrap up, here is an example of a script to talk to your child: “Have you noticed that Batman seems sad or depressed? What do you think is going on with him? I am wondering if he is feeling sad or depressed because he lives alone, doesn’t have too many friends, and lost his parents when he was a child. I bet there are times that you are feeling sad. Sometimes when I see you, you look sad or I see you crying. Is there something that you can think of that is making you sad? When Batman is acting out, he is usually feeling sad. When you are angry, is there something that is also making you sad? I think we can talk about Batman and how he is feeling and relate it to you. When you are alone in your room, you may feel like a “Dark Knight.” When Batman leaves his home and surrounds himself with friends, do you think he is happier or sad? Grief is a combination of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, joy, gratitude, anxiety, relief, confusion, and frustration. It is okay to feel any of the emotions, but we get to choose how we act or express them. Batman chooses to use grief as fuel to make Gotham City a safer place for everyone. You can choose to yell, scream, or act out, or we can talk about how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. Working together can be helpful, just like Batman working with the police to catch criminals. I am super proud of you for allowing me to help you. I know Batman would not be able to catch all of the criminals without the help of Catwoman, Robin, and the police!” I encourage you to comment below or ask questions in the post, I’d love to hear your feedback. If you have a question or topic you think would be a good fit, please feel free to email me at [email protected] or if you are interested in scheduling a therapy appointment, click here.  Connecting with kids through Super Heroes!
Week 1 - Using the Hulk to “Smash” Anger Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that we tend to go towards anger to cover up vulnerable feelings that are not fun to deal with. I have so many patients who are sad, hurt and anxious, but it comes out as anger. Anger is difficult to manage because it takes time to get to the root of the emotion before it can be treated. So how do I help kids with that anger and bring it down to their level, in therapy? Well, we discuss superheroes of course, like our green friend, the Hulk! Everyone loves the massive steam roller when he is working with The Avengers because he uses his powers for good. But when he is unable to control his anger, he ends up laying out Thor, leveling buildings and having the kind of temper tantrums that put insurance companies out of business. Relating anger to a character your child knows and loves, can break down barriers between the two of you. It also allows your child to look inward without feeling scared or embarrassed. While dealing with anger, we do not turn green, but it can be argued that we turn into a creature like the Hulk. The anger children/adolescents feel has a more negative impact on school and at home than the Hulk smashing a city block. So what do we do? How can we teach our children to use that anger for good? For now, it is important to understand that even if your child has some anger issues, that’s not a bad thing. He/she is still your little superhero. We just need to channel that anger a little bit so he/she plans better with the rest of the Avengers! 1. Defining Triggers The Hulk knows exactly what gets him angry- he decided to live in a secluded place before the Black Widow found him and asked him to be an Avenger. While living in isolation is not the best coping skill for anger, the Hulk is aware of his surroundings and triggers. How you can use this to talk to you child: “We know the Hulk is angry, but most of the time he is not green; He is Dr. Banner. What are some of the things that make him angry and how do you know? Do you know of any specific triggers that make you angry and turn into the Hulk?” 2. Learning the physical and emotional changes when angry Other than the obvious physical change where the Hulk turns green, he can feel the other physical changes in his body. He gets hot, sweaty, starts to breathe shallow and rapidly and he is not able to gather his thoughts (racing thoughts). How to talk to your child: “When the Hulk turns green, he is obviously angry. What else happens to him when he is angry? Do you get any of the same feelings? As a parent I can see [fill in the blanks with symptoms]. Do you notice that?” 3. Learning coping skills The Hulk will take an 'adult time out" to cool down, walk away, take deep breaths and will make a joke to relieve tension. These are used BEFORE he becomes green, as coping skills are designed to prevent the anger, not stop it once you are angry. How to talk to your child: “What do you see the Hulk do when he gets angry and doesn't want to smash things? Once he turns green, it is very hard for him to change back into Dr. Banner. When he is Dr. Banner, he tries to use coping skills like deep breathing and walking away. What has worked for you before?” 4. Accepting the anger and using it for good The Hulk accepts that he is an angry man, and we know this because of the quote from the Avengers: Captain America: [Hulk], now might be a good time for you to get angry. It is important to normalize anger with kids, and remind them that anger is a normal reaction. It is important that they learn how to manage the anger appropriately and possibly turn their anger into motivation. How to talk to your child: “You know when he tells the Avengers his secret, that he’s always angry? Why do you think he’s usually Dr. Banner then, and not always the Hulk? Could it be because he has learned to control his anger? To wrap up, here is an example of the “script” my husband would use with his students: “Have you noticed when Dr. Banner turns into the Hulk? Is it a surprise to him, or does he feel it building before he turns green? We can see his anger increasing, which means he can also feel his anger building. Because he is aware of how he feels, he is able to calm himself down to avoid turning into the Hulk. He has learned to manage his anger, and only turns into the Hulk when he is able to to help himself or others. Anger is something that tends to be there all of the time, just waiting to burst out. Can you feel inside when you are having your own “Hulk” moments? This can happen when the anger becomes so intense that you turn into your version of the Hulk? Can you feel the anger building ahead of time? What does it feel like? How do you know when you’re about to turn into the Hulk? The fact that you can now detect that anger building gives you a super power that you can now control! What can you do when you feel that anger building? So now, when you feel the anger building, you can take those steps to avoid turning into the Hulk!” I encourage you to comment below or ask questions in the post, I’d love to hear your feedback. If you have a question or topic you think would be a good fit, please feel free to email me at [email protected] or if you are interested in scheduling a therapy appointment, click here.  When you are active and live in a small community, which has been voted America’s Coolest Small Town, everyone tends to know everything about you. That being said, it’s no secret where I live that I am a mental health therapist. I get questions all of the time pertaining to mental health, relationships, challenges at school and general parenting advice.
I’ve decided to create a 6 week series, where I try and answer these questions in a format where everyone can benefit. I would like to use this as a way to give actionable advice to people in the community. I am a firm believer in the importance of connecting with my youth clients. My “business partner” in this is Bodhi, my beautiful yellow lab. Bodhi’s loveable, affectionate manner immediately resonated with my young clients, and make for a great way to break down some of the barriers that those in my professional experience. But what can parents do to break down those barriers? How can patients, who share so many familiar things with their children, connect with them? In this segment, I suggest finding common ground with the use of popular references in Pop Culture. Using Pop Culture to Connect with Your Kids Leigh Thompson is a former Black Belt Instructor at one of the largest Martial Arts Schools in the USA. He has literally taught thousands of people in the community over the last 20 years. I certainly have some familiarity with Leigh and his expertise, as he is also my husband. Leigh had once met a prospective student who was planning to enroll in martial arts. The prospect has planned to enroll himself in the training program in the hopes that martial arts could help him with anger issues. While talking to the prospect, Leigh noticed the young man was wearing a Hulk shirt and immediately recognized the opportunity to connect with him on something he himself knew a lot about. (I love my husband very much, but he is a self-proclaimed comic nerd). The results from this connection were nothing short of fantastic! The student’s parents came in the following week beaming with pride about the positive change that their son had shown. They received letters home from the school saying how the teachers noted a huge improvement in his attitude and behavior. Since applying the strategy, I can tell you the results speak for themselves! |
AuthorWhitney Thompson, LCPC is a Psychotherapist and Owner of Anchor Counseling Centers. ArchivesCategories |
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